Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
