OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
