Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
