She went from zero to smokin in five shots
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
