I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
