So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
