ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
