So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
