A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
