oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize