i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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