Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
