So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
