It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
