I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
