I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
