If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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