He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
