you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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