I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Are we still banned from the library?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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