Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
