Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
