Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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