We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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