I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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