I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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