i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
