Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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