I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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