grandma shit on top of the toilet
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
