Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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