I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
