I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
