If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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