I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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