ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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