I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
