For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The power of my boobs compel you
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
