As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
