All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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