living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
