ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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