Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
