im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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