Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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