All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
