My room smells like vodka and shame
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
