dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
