we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
