shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
