i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
