I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize