You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
