I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
