He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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