help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
