I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
