HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
