Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
being pregnant is like rehab
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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