Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
