When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
