I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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