Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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