There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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