So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
