the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
