so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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