Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
