On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone shit on the floor
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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