Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
