Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
