WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
