wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Randomize