handjob tips. give me some.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
