sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dear god my vagina.
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