I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
