Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
