So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
