I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This is my gift to your gina
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
