i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
