OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
