I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
