remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
