I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
