Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this boner is exhausting
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
