Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
