Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize